she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize