Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
