You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
