Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
