Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
