he thought i was a dude.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
