Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
