i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
