I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
