Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
