my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
