she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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