Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
