Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
