One girl and one boy is just not enough.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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