The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
false alarm. still invincible.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
