Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
