is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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