he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
