She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
