i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
