The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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