I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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