worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
