Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
