my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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