Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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