my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
