Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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