Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
