We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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