NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
