Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
