I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
