i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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