Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
