I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
