she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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