You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
