I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
