I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you didnt know i had herpes?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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