when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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