remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
3 2 1 whiskey
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
