I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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