420 ftw
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
