u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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