Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
