Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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