Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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