Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
