Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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