I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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